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Author Unknown
A veteran - whether active duty,
retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United
States of America," for an amount "up to and including my life." That is honor, and there are far too many people in our
country who no longer understand it.
Old Aviators and Old Airplanes
(By an anonymous Canadian who knows
what it means)
This is a good little story about a vivid memory of a P-51 and its pilot by a fellow who was 12 years
old in Canada in 1967. You may know a few others who would appreciate it.
It was noon on a Sunday as I recall, the
day a Mustang P-51 was to take to the air. They said the pilot had flown it in during the night from some U. S. airport,
he had been tired.
I marveled at the size of the plane dwarfing the Pipers and Canucks tied down by her. It was much
larger than in the movies. She glistened in the sun like a bulwark of security from days gone by.
The pilot arrived
by cab, paid the driver, and then stepped into the flight lounge. He was an older man; his wavy hair was gray and tossed.
Looked like it might have been combed, say, around the turn of the century.
His flight jacket was checked, creased
and worn - it smelled old and genuine. Old Glory was prominently sewn to its shoulders. He projected a quiet air of proficiency
and pride devoid of arrogance. He filed a quick flight plan to Montreal to the Expo-67 Air Show, then walked across the tarmac.
After
taking several minutes to perform his preflight walk-around check the pilot returned to the flight lounge to ask if anyone
would be available to stand by with fire extinguishers while he “…flashed the old bird up. Just to be safe,” he said.
Though
only 12 at the time I was allowed to stand by with an extinguisher after a brief instruction on its use – “If you see a fire,
point, then pull this lever.” I later became a firefighter, but that's another story.
The air around the exhaust manifolds
shimmered like a mirror from fuel fumes as the huge prop started to rotate. One manifold, then another, and yet another barked
-- I stepped back with the others. In moments the Packard-built Merlin engine came to life with a thunderous roar, blue flames
knifed from her exhaust manifolds. I looked at the others' faces, there was no concern. I lowered the bell of my extinguisher.
One of the guys signaled to walk back to the lounge. We did.
Several minutes later we could hear the pilot doing his
pre flight run-up. He'd taxied to the end of runway 19, out of sight. All went quiet for several seconds; we raced from the
lounge to the second story deck to see if we could catch a glimpse of the P-51 as she started down the runway. We could not.
There
we stood, eyes fixed to a spot half way down 19. Then a roar ripped across the field, much louder than before, like furious
hells spawn set loose---something mighty this way was a-coming. “Listen to that thing!” shouted the controller. In seconds
the Mustang burst into our line of sight.
Its tail was already off and it was moving faster than anything I'd ever
seen by that point on 19. Two-thirds the way down 19 the Mustang was airborne with her gear going up. The prop tips were
supersonic; we clasped our ears as the Mustang climbed hellish fast into the circuit to be eaten up by the dog-day haze.
We
stood for a few moments in stunned silence trying to digest what we'd just seen. The radio controller rushed by me to the
radio. “Kingston tower calling Mustang,” He looked back to us as he waited for acknowledgment.
The radio crackled,
“Go ahead Kingston.”
”Roger Mustang. Kingston tower would like to advise the circuit is clear for a low level pass.”
I stood in shock because the controller had, more or less, just asked the pilot to return for an impromptu air show!
The
controller looked at us. “What?” He asked. “I can't let that guy go without asking. I couldn't forgive myself!”
The
radio crackled once again, “Kingston, do I have permission for a low level pass, east to west, across the field?”
”Roger
Mustang, the circuit is clear for an east to west pass.”
”Roger, Kingston, I'm coming out of 3000 feet, stand by.”
We
rushed back onto the second-story deck, eyes fixed toward the eastern haze. The sound was subtle at first, a high-pitched
whine, a muffled screech, a distant scream. Moments later the P-51 burst through the haze. Her airframe straining against
positive G's and gravity, wing tips spilling contrails of condensed air, prop-tips again supersonic as the burnished bird
blasted across the eastern margin of the field shredding and tearing the air.
At about 400 mph and 150 yards from where
we stood she passed with the old American pilot saluting.
Imagine....
A salute! I felt like laughing! I
felt like crying! She glistened, she screamed! The building shook! My heart pounded.
Then the old pilot pulled her
up and rolled, and rolled, and rolled out of sight into the broken clouds and indelibly into my memory.
I've never
wanted to be an American more than on that day. It was a time when many nations in the world looked to America as their big
brother; a steady and even-handed beacon of security who navigated difficult political water with grace and style; not unlike
the pilot who'd just flown into my memory.
He was proud, not arrogant; humble, not a braggart; old and honest; projecting
an aura of America at its best. That America will return one day, I know it will.
The Little Red Hen - Another
Look!
Once upon a time, on a farm in Texas, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered
quite a few grains of wheat. She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread
to eat. Who will help me plant it?"
"Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the
pig.
"Not I," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen and so she did. The wheat
grew very tall and ripened into golden grain. "Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I,"
said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
"I'd
lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so
she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread.
"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.
"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.
"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.
"I'm
a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.
"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen.
She baked five loaves and held them up for all of
her neighbors to see.
They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share.
But the little red hen said, "No, I shall
eat all five loaves."
"Excess profits!" cried the cow. ( Nancy PelosI)
"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck.
(Barbara Boxer)
"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)
The pig just grunted in disdain.
(Al Gore)
And they all painted "Unfair!" picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.
Then a government agent came. He said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."
"But I earned the
bread," said the little red hen.
"Exactly," said the agent. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful.
Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must
divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle."
And they all lived happily ever after, including the
little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand."
But her neighbors became quite disappointed
in her. She never again baked bread, because she joined the "party" and got her bread free. And all the Democrats smiled.
'Fairness' had been established. Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed;
perhaps no one cared ... so long as
there was free bread that "the rich" were paying for.
Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs. Hillary
got $8 million for hers. That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years, repeatedly testified, under
oath, that they couldn't remember anything.
IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OF A COUNTRY OR WHAT?
WAKE UP WORLD
This
is my country.
Let me make this perfectly clear! THIS IS MY COUNTRY!
And, because I make this statement DOES
NOT mean I'm against immigration! On the contrary, I think real, controlled immigration is the life blood of every viable
country.
YOU ARE WELCOME HERE IN MY COUNTRY. Welcome to come through like everyone else has: Get a sponsor! Get
a place to lay your head! Get a job! Live by OUR rules! Pay YOUR taxes! LEARN THE LANGUAGE LIKE ALL OTHER IMMIGRANTS HAVE
IN THE PAST!
AND PLEASE DON'T DEMAND THAT WE HAND OVER OUR LIFETIME SAVINGS OF SOCIAL SECURITY FUNDS TO YOU TO MAKE
UP FOR YOUR LOSSES.
When will AMERICAN'S STOP giving away THEIR RIGHTS?
We've gone so far the other way –
bent over backwards not to offend anyone. But it seems no one cares about the AMERICAN that's being offended!
Illegal
Trespassers
1. Number of illegal aliens in the United States exceeds 20,807,645
2. Money Wired to Mexico
City since January 2006 is over $22,213,001,672.00
3. Cost of Social Security Services for illegal aliens since 1996
is over $397,450,739,563.00
4. Number of Children of illegal aliens in public schools exceed 3,958,789
5.
Cost of illegal aliens in K-12 Since 1996 well exceeds $13, 965,063,431.00
6. Number of illegal aliens incarcerated
in jails and prisons exceed 332,594
7. The cost of illegal incarcerations Since 2001 is well over $1,398,127,429.00
8.
Number of illegal aliens who are fugitives in the United States exceeds 642,799
9. Skilled Jobs Taken by illegal
aliens is greater than 9,872,838
Figures can trick your eyes. Take particular note that items 2,3,5, and 7 reflect
BILLION not millions of dollars - and that item 3 exceeds one-third of a TRILLION dollars.
Can you
imagine how much it will cost taxpayers if we triple the number of illegals entering this country!!
So, What is in
a billion?
The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want
the "politicians" spending your tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency
did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.
A. A billion seconds ago it was
1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone
Age.
D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours
and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take
a look at New Orleans. It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu
(D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number, what does it mean?
A.
Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.
B. Or, if
you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your
family gets $2,066,012
Washington, D.C. HELLO!!! Are all your calculators broken?
How Long Do We Have?
The
Temporary Nature of Government
About the time our original thirteen states adopted their new constitution in 1787,
Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh , had this to say about the fall of the Athenian
Republic some 2,000 years earlier:
"A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent
form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover they can vote themselves generous
gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always vote for the candidates who promise the most benefits
from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is
always followed by a dictatorship."
The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history,
has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, those nations always progressed through the following sequence:
1.
from bondage to spiritual faith;
2. from spiritual faith to great courage;
3. from courage to liberty;
4.
from liberty to abundance;
5. from abundance to complacency;
6. from complacency to apathy;
7. from apathy
to dependence;
8. From dependence back into bondage"
Professor Joseph Olson of Hemline University School of
Law, St. Paul , Minnesota , points out some interesting facts concerning the 2000 Presidential election:
Number of
States won by:
Gore: 19
Bush: 29
Square miles of land won by:
Gore: 580,000
Bush: 2,427,000
Population
of counties won by:
Gore: 127 million
Bush: 143 million
Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties
won by:
Gore: 13.2
Bush: 2.1
Professor Olson adds:
"In aggregate, the map of the territory Bush
won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of this great country. Gore's territory mostly encompassed those
citizens living in government-owned tenements and living off various forms of government welfare..."
Olson believes
the United States is now somewhere between the "complacency and apathy" phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy,
with some forty percent of the nation's population already having reached the "governmental dependency" phase.
If Congress
grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegal's and they vote, then we can say goodbye
to the USA in fewer than five years.
American Citizenship
Probably the most important factor of American
life is that very few of us are of native blood. Sure, we citizens, many of us, were born here, and can claim native citizenship.
However, someone in your background came to America to find the dream of becoming an American! Yes, you are a citizen, but
you come from immigrant stock. Immigration is the most significant difference between America and most other countries.
The United States of America is made up, primarily, of immigrant stock. Once citizenship is awarded to an individual, that
individual becomes an American. The same cannot be said of France, Spain, Germany, Belgium, Holland, Japan, China, Thailand,
and the list goes on and on. A citizen of France is not necessarily a Frenchman, but every citizen of the United States is
an American!
Immigration to the United States carries with it responsibility as well as privilege. Immigrants came,
entered the work force, learned English, paid taxes, assimilated with their neighbors, worked toward citizenship, and finally,
declared their allegiance to their new country. At least the immigration we saw in years past. Today there is little effort
made by a large portion of those legal immigrants, and even less effort being made by the illegal trespassers to learn our
language, English, assimilate in every aspect of their lives, declare allegiance to their new country, and become Americans.
In
1907 Theodore Roosevelt's penned his ideas on immigrants coming to our country, and about being an American. These principles,
though written one hundred years ago are even more important to adhere to today. We see, almost daily, immigrants who have
come here to our shores for a better life. The primary problem is that many of those immigrants refuse to assimilate into
our society, prefer to continue living their lives as if they were still in their home country, maintain allegiance to their
former country, and decry American life and values – sometimes to the point of tearing down our flag, giving aid and comfort
to our enemies, and pursuing illegal activities.
What, exactly, did President Theodore Roosevelt have to say about
the problems we face today? Just this:
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here
in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else,
for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated
upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American. There can be no divided allegiance here.
Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the
American flag. We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language, and we have room for but one sole
loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."
Way to Go, Judge!
In Florida, an atheist became
incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination
inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists
had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a wise judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation
by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared "Case Dismissed."
The lawyer immediately stood and objected
to the ruling and said, "Your Honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other
observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah......yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."
The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much
less celebrate, his own atheists' holiday!"
The lawyer pompously said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday
for atheists. Just when might that holiday be?"
The judge said, "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date.....April
1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1, Psalm 53 states, 'The fool says in
his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture he is a fool, thus
April 1st is his holiday!"
Pray that some day our courts will be full of these kinds of judges....maybe then, we can
put God back where He belongs.........in everything we do.....
John Glenn said this that should make you think
a little:
There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq in January. In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders
in the month of January. That's just one American city,
about as deadly as the entire war-torn country of Iraq
When
some claim that President Bush shouldn't have started this war, state the following:
a. FDR led us into World War
II in Europe. Germany never attacked us; Japan did. From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost, an average of 112,500 per year.
b. Truman finished that war and started one in Korea. North Korea never attacked us. From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were
lost, an average of 18,334 per year.
c. John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked
us.
d. Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost an average of 5,800 per year.
e.
Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent. Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Laden's head
on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions.
f. In the years since
terrorists attacked us, President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors
in Libya, Iran, and, North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people.
The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking.
But Wait
It took less time to take Iraq
than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation..
We've been looking for
evidence for chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.
It
took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy
to call the police after his
Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquidick.
It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count
the votes in Florida!
Our Commander-In-Chief is doing a GREAT JOB!
The Military morale is high!
The
biased media hopes we are too ignorant to realize the facts
But Wait
There's more!
JOHN GLENN (on
the Senate floor - January 26, 2004)
Some people still don't understand why military personnel do what they do for
a living. This exchange between Senators John Glenn and Senator Howard Metzenbaum is worth reading. Not only is it a pretty
impressive impromptu speech, but it's also a good example of one man's explanation of why men and women in the armed services
do what they do for a living.
This is a typical, though sad, example of what some who have never served think of the
military.
Senator Metzenbaum (speaking to Senator Glenn):
"How can you run for Senate when you've never held
a real job?"
Senator Glenn (D-Ohio):
"I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps. I served through
two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by anti-aircraft fire on 12 different occasions. I was in the space program.
It wasn't my checkbook, Howard; it was my life on the line. It was not a nine-to-five job, where I took time off to take
the daily cash receipts to the bank.
"I ask you to go with me, as I went the other day, to a veteran's hospital and
look those men, with their mangled bodies, in the eye, and tell THEM they didn't hold a job!
You go with me to the
Space Program at NASA and go, as I have gone, to the widows and orphans of Ed White, Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee, and you
look those kids in the eye and tell them that their dads didn't hold a job.
You go with me on Memorial Day and you
stand in Arlington National Cemetery , where I have more friends buried than I'd like to remember, and you watch
those
waving flags.
You stand there, and you think about this nation, and you tell ME that those people didn't have a job?
What about you?"
For those who don't remember During W.W.II, Howard Metzenbaum was an attorney representing the
Communist Party in the USA .
Now he's a Senator!
If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you are reading
it in English thank a Veteran.
What Made Me Me
(Anonymous)
Long ago and far away,
In a land that
time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan,
Or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents,
And
they were you and me,
Long ago and far away
In the Land That Made Me.. Me.
Oh, there was truth and goodness
In that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges,
And Peyton Place was porn.
For Ike was
in the White House,
And Hoss was on TV,
And God was in His heaven
In the Land That Made Me.. Me.
We learned
to gut a muffler,
we washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry
in circles on the lawn.
And
they could hear us coming
All the way to Tennessee,
All starched and sprayed and russling
in the Land That Made
Me.. Me.
We looked for love and romance,
And waited for the prince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz,
And
no one's seen him since.
We danced to "Little Darlin'",
And Sang to "Stagger Lee,"
And cried for Buddy Holly
In
the Land That Made Me.. Me.
Only girls wore earrings then,
And three was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top
cuts,
Except for Jean McKinney.
And only in our wildest dreams
Did we expect to see
A boy named George,
with Lipstick
In the Land That Made Me.. Me.
We fell for Frankie Avalon,
Annette was oh, so nice,
And
when they made a movie,
They never made it twice.
We didn't have a Star Trek Five,
Or Psycho Two and Three,
Or
Rocky-Rambo Twenty
In the Land That Made Me.. Me.
Miss Kitty had a heart of gold,
And Chester had a limp,
And
Reagan was a Democrat
Whose co-star was a chimp.
We had a Mr. Wizard,
But not a Mr. T,
And Oprah couldn't
talk, yet
In the Land That Made Me.. Me.
We had our share of heroes,
We never thought they'd go,
At least
not Bobby Darin,
Or Marilyn Monroe.
For youth was still eternal,
And life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever,
In
the Land That Made Me.. Me.
We'd never seen the rock band
That was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't
named Jefferson,
And Zeppelins weren't of Lead.
And Beatles lived in gardens then,
And Monkees in a tree,
Madonna
was a sacred name
In the Land That Made Me.. Me.
We'd never heard of Microwaves,
Or telephones in cars,
And
babies might be bottle-fed,
But they weren't grown in jars.
And pumping iron got wrinkles out,
And "gay" meant
fancy-free,
And dorms were never coed
In the Land That Made Me.. Me.
We hadn't seen enough of jets
To
talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left at
The bottom of the bag.
And Hardware was a box of nails,
And
bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction
In the Land That Made Me.. Me.
Buicks came with portholes,
And
side show came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough
To cover both your cheeks.
And Coke came just
in bottles,
And skirts came to the knee,
And Castro came to power
In the Land That Made Me.. Me.
There
were no golden arches,
No Perriers to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda,
And cats were not called Bill.
And
middle-aged was thirty-five
And old was forty-three,
And ancient was our parents !
In the Land That Made Me.. Me.
But all things have a season,
Or so we've heard them say,
And now instead of Maybelline
We swear by Retin-A.
And they send us invitations
To join AARP,
We've come a long way, baby,
From the Land That Made Me.. Me.
So now we face a brave new world
In slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using
Smaller print in
magazines.
And we tell our children's children
of the way it used to be,
Long, long ago, and far away
In the
Land That Made Me.. Me.
Weird Things You Would Never Know (But do now!)
A shrimp's heart is in its head
The
"sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
Rats multiply
so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will
increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14,Section
1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact
with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
A duck's
quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
23% of all photocopier faults world-wide are caused by people sitting on
them and photocopying their butts.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue
print is different.
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture
a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
In a study
of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
It
is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
More than
50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
Horses can't vomit.
Butterflies
taste with their feet.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
On average people fear spiders more than
they do death.
Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
Thirty-five percent
of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Only
one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
Women
blink nearly twice as much as men.
It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
The Main Library at
Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight
of all the books that would occupy the building.
A snail can sleep for three years.
No word in the English
language rhymes with "MONTH."
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and & ears never stop growing.
The
electric chair was invented by a dentist.
All polar bears are left handed.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked
EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
TYPEWRITER
is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
"Go," is the shortest complete
sentence in the English language.
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven
feet, two inches tall.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the
match.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick
their elbow.
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED
Laments of a Female
Men Are Just Happier People – what
do you expect from such simple creatures?
Men’s last name stays put.
The garage is all theirs.
Wedding plans
take care of themselves. Wedding dress – $500. Tux rental – $100.
Chocolate is just another snack.
Men can be President.
Women can only hope.
Men can never be pregnant.
Men can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Men can wear NO
shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell men the truth.
Men never have to drive to another gas station restroom
because this one is just too icky.
The world is their urinal.
Men don't have to stop and think of which way to turn
a nut or a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at men’s chest when talking to
them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle men’s feet.
One mood all the time!
Phone conversations are over in
30 seconds flat.
Men know stuff about tanks, boats, cars, airplanes, and guns.
A five-day vacation requires only one
suitcase.
Men can open all their own jars.
Men get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone
forgets to invite a man to a party, he or she can still be a man’s friend.
Man’s underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Men almost never have strap problems in public.
Men are unable to see wrinkles
in his clothes.
Everything on a man’s face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Men only have to shave their face and neck.
Men have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Men can play
with toys all their lives.
One wallet and one pair of shoes – one color for all seasons.
Men can wear shorts no matter
how your legs look.
Men can "do" their nails with a pocket knife.
Men can do all of their Christmas shopping for 25
relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier, and women complain!
Musings About Life
(anonymous)
Too
many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule,
didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.
I got to thinking one day about all those
people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried
to be a little more flexible.
How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going
out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?
How often
have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched "Jeopardy" on television?
I cannot count the
times I called my sister and said , "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gas up and stammer, "I can't. I
have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain" And
my personal favorite: "It's Monday." She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.
Because Americans
cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves
when all the conditions are perfect!
We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained. We'll
entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.
Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets
longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Someday,
when things are settled down a bit."
When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and
available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for
five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.
My
lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach
with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker cone. If
my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.
Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something
you WANT to...not some thing on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could
make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?
Have you ever watched kids playing on
a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the
sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your
child, "We'll do it tomorrow." And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just
call to say "Hi"?
When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift...Thrown away.... Life is
not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.
"Life may not be the party we hoped for ... but while
we are here we might as well Dance
The Wisdom of Will Rogers
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Good
judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole
lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make
sure it's still there.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog
around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter
came along and shot him! The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot
day.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole,
the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to
spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you give a lesson in meanness
to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
When you're throwin' your weight around,
be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and
put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
THINGS YOU DON'T HEAR ANYMORE
Be
sure and refill the ice trays, we are going to have company after while.
Watch for the postman, I want to get this
letter in the mail today.
Quit slamming that screen door!
Be sure to pull the windows down when you leave, it
looks like it might rain -- and bring in the clothes from the line, too.
Don't forget to wind the clock before you
go to bed.
Wash your feet before you go to bed, they’re nasty from playing bare-foot outside all day.
Why can't
you remember to roll up your pants legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.
You’ve
torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there’s nothing left to put a patch on.
Don't you go outside
with your good school clothes on!
Hang up your Sunday School clothes, you know you need to pass them down to your brother
in good condition.
Go comb your hair. It looks like the rats have nested in it all night.
Be sure and pour
the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle. I need it for baking and Pa's coffee.
Take that empty
bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one.
Put a dish towel over the cake so the
flies won't get on it.
Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you
don't quit!
Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him.
You boys stay
close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.
There is a dollar in my purse, go by the service
station on the way to town and get five gallons of gas.
Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here;
it's getting hot.
You can walk to the store; it won't hurt you to get some exercise. Maybe you’ll learn to be more
careful with your bicycle.
Don't sit too close to the TV, it's hard on your eyes.
If you pull that stunt again,
I am going to wear you out!
Don't lose that button, I’ll sew it back on after awhile.
Wash under your neck before
you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there.
Get out from under that sewing machine; pumping
it messes up the thread!
Do you want to go get me a switch?
Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don't
have to do that tonight in the dark.
Here, take this old magazine to the outhouse when you go; we’re almost out of
paper out there.
Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water for me to wash dishes in.
Don't turn the radio
on now. I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.
No! I don't have five cents for you to go to
the picture show; do you think money grows on trees?
Eat those vegetables; they’ll make you big and strong like your
daddy.
That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don't care how cold it is out there, dogs just don't come in the house.
Sit
still! I’m trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it’s getting botched up.
Hush your mouth!
I don't want to hear any more words like that, or I'll wash your mouth out with soap again!
It’s time for your system
to be cleaned out. I'm going to give you a dose of Castor Oil in the morning.
If you get a spanking in school and
I find out about it, you’ll get another one when you get home.
Quit crossing your eyes! They’ll get stuck that way!
Soak
your foot in this pan of coal oil so that cut won't get infected.
When you take your driving test don't forget your
hand signals for each turn: Left arm straight out the window for a left turn; left arm bent up to the sky at the elbow for
a right turn; and straight down to the side of the door when you are going to stop.
It is "Yes, sir!" and "No, sir"
to me and your elders young man, and don't you forget it!
While we’re at Aunt Mary's and Uncle John's you kids eat
when the adults get through and I don't want to hear "I don't like this stuff".
You'd better keep your mouth shut
and eat everything on your plate.
Well, that ought to keep us remembering some things of the past; some good and some
not so good!
Tree Hugger
A lady from California, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased
a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of
the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted
owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.
In
considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. She told him what an environmentalist and anti-hunter she was,
and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into
the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited
for three hours before the doctor reappeared
The
angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental
Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could
remove old-growth timber from a
recreational area and I'm sorry, but they all turned me down.
The Speech George W. Bush SHOULD Give
By
Anonymous
BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH
Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans."
Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something
terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here:
I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something,
let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting
is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world.
Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework
and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media. Polls
show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners, including
record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that minority business ownership
is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton administration. I've mentioned
all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock
market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you
can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears
and beachfront property than your economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood
for oil" thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country
go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've
easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the
intelligence
was faulty. Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you
that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton ' established that
policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during
the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because
fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them. That's
not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine,
as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you.
And the bastards are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence,
military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that.
When this whole mess started,
I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult
fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things
through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time
you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well FedEx a grenade
launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth.
It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News.
But even if it were,
I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol.
I could say more about your expectations
that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level
and has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet,
is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the
capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here
pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America
fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch
what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart
enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America. Some of you know what
I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.
NASA AND THE BIBLE
Thought this was pretty amazing and interesting!!
For all the scientists out there, and for all the students who have a hard time convincing these people regarding
the truth of the Bible, here's something that shows God's awesome creation, and that He is still in control
Did you know
the space program is busy trying to prove that what has been called "myth" in the Bible is true?
Mr. Harold Hill, President
of the Curtis Engine Company in Baltimore, Maryland, and a consultant in the space program, relates the following development:
I think one of the most amazing things that God has done for us today happened recently to our astronauts and space scientists
at Green Belt, Maryland
They were checking out where the positions of the sun, moon, and planets would be 100 years
and 1,000 years from now. We have to know this so we won't send up a satellite and have it bump into something later on in
its orbits
We have to lay out the orbits in terms of the life of the satellite and where the planets will be so the whole
thing will not bog down.
They ran the computer measurement back and forth over the centuries, and it came to a halt.
The computer stopped and put up a red signal, which meant that there was something wrong with either the information fed into
it or with the results as compared to the standards.
They called in the service department to check it out, and the technicians
asked, 'What's wrong?'
“Well, they found there is a day missing in space in elapsed time.”
The technicians scratched
their heads and tore their hair out. There was no answer.
Finally a Christian man on the team said, “You know, one
time I was in Sunday School, and they talked about the sun standing still.”
While the scientists and technicians
didn't believe him, they didn't have an answer either, so they challenged, “Show us.”
He got a Bible and opened to
the book of Joshua where they found a pretty ridiculous statement for any one with 'common sense.'
There they found
the Lord saying to Joshua,
“Fear them not, I have delivered them into thy hand; there shall not a man of them stand before
Thee.”
Joshua was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy! And if darkness fell, he and his people could
very well be overpowered. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand still! That's right... “The sun stood still and
the moon stayed and lasted not to go down about a whole day!” (Joshua 10:12-13)
The astronauts and scientists said,
“There is the missing day!” They checked the computers going back into the time it was written and found it was close but
not close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back in Joshua's day was 23 hours and 20 minutes ...Not a whole day.
They
reread the passage in the Bible, and there it was, “about [approximately] a day.” These little words in the Bible are important,
but they were still in trouble because if you cannot account for 40 minutes, you'll still be in trouble 1,000 years from now.
Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits. As the Christian employee thought
about it, he remembered somewhere in the Bible where it said the sun went BACKWARDS.
The scientists told him he was
out of his mind, but they got out the Book and read these words in 2 Kings that told of the following story: Hezekiah, on
his death bed, was visited by the prophet Isaiah who told him that he was not going to die. Hezekiah asked for a sign as proof.
Isaiah said, “Do you want the sun to go ahead 10 degrees?”
Hezekiah said, “It is nothing for the sun to go ahead 10 degrees,
but let the shadow return backward 10 degrees.”
Isaiah spoke to the Lord, and the Lord brought the shadow ten degrees
BACKWARD!
Ten degrees is exactly 40 minutes!
Twenty-three hours and 20 minutes in Joshua, plus 40 minutes
in Second Kings make the missing day in the universe! Isn't it amazing?
References: Joshua 10:8 and 12,13 and 2 Kings
20: 9-11.
WRITTEN BY A 15 yr. old SCHOOL KID IN ARIZONA :
New Prayer
Since the Pledge of Allegiance
and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore Because the word "God" is mentioned.... A student in
Arizona wrote the attached
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation
under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And
anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense;
it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying
in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited
by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've
outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such
"judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But
the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When
chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
The
setting was the Officer’s Club at Kadena AFB sometime in the late 60's or early 70's.
The participants were an SR-71
crew, a Captain and Co-pilot from Continental and two young school teachers for the US Government schools in Okinawa (actually,
the last two should be called targets of opportunity).
Ain't no way to say it nicely; but "Round Eyes" were a hot commodity
in those days especially unmarried ones. Our two young ladies were enjoying the unabashed and total focus of the four gentlemen
sitting at the two tables on either side of them.
Fights on!
Since it was a "Dirty Shirt" bar our two young
studs were in flight suits, hepped up a little from their latest overflight mission; fearless and bullet proof they surveyed
the opposition and knew they were already in the saddle – or soon would be – no real threat on the scope.
The Captain,
while still handsome... was a bit long in tooth, a former Spad driver he was. His co-pilot was of the jet age, having flown
"Scooters" on little boats, until opting for the "Good Life" that the airlines promised.
Our two young damsels, were
almost immediately overwhelmed by the two young "flat bellies" in their form fit flight suits covered with patches they represented
all that was good about virile, young, American manhood. They were in awe.
Even though the good Captain had bought
their drinks... it was obvious, our two SR types had the upper hand. One of the young ladies, looking at a patch on the shoulder
of one of the two studs, asked what it meant... the patch was red (compliments green, Air Force guys know about such things).
In the middle was the word "Habu"; just above it was a sinister looking snake; above it was written “Lockheed Super Bird SR-71”;
just below that was “MACH 3+”; just below that was written “80,000+”.
"Studley do right"; knew it was time for the
kill. He told the young ladies that "Habu" was the nickname of the airplane he flew – since the ladies were new on the island,
they weren't familiar with the notorious venomous snake that lived in the jungles surrounding them.
At this point the
prettier of the two sweet young things asked, "What does match three mean?" Our steely eyed young buck knew it was all over
but the shouting.
Loud enough for most of the club to hear he firmly, but politely corrected her mispronunciation
and explained that Mach was a technical word that stood for the speed of sound. "Mach 3+ means I've flown over 3 times the
speed of sound." And in a moment of sheer brilliance, he looked at the two airline types and says to the Captain, "Hey old
man, you ever been above Mach 3?" In a humble mumble, the good Captain acknowledged he had not.
Studley knew her next
question, and before she could even ask, he went on to explain that the 80,000+ stood for flying above 80,000 feet. And then
Studley went too far in a final move intended to seal the deal
Studley, erect and steely eyed, looked at our humble
Captain and said what he should not have said; "Ever been above 80,000 old man?"
Our humble Captain looked at Studley;
then ignoring his protagonist he cracked a half smile, stared at the two young sweet things, looking for signs of understanding
for what he was about to say. He then very calmly and eloquently said, "Only on my W-2 form hotshot, only on my W-2!"
Studley
had no idea he'd just been smoked! He had no idea that the other gender, no matter what degree of blondness, or air filling
of head wouldn't know Mach from match, but they all knew what a W-2 was. It was a woman thing; it was innate; it was in their
bones; and shortly it was over.
Our good Captain then said, "Why don't you ladies join us for dinner?"
An agreement
was quick in coming and as they left for parts unknown Studley sat there stunned. Having no idea what went wrong.
As
Corkey was fond of saying, "The genies of fate had just urinated on the best intentions of a young man!" A simple government
form, had just trumped the fastest and highest flyer in the world. Ain't life a bitch?!
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